Another Malaprop

Kathy, on this post-partum diet, said to me yesterday, “I’m thinkin’ about becomin’ a veterinarian.”

“Fine, ” I shot back, “You can doctor on aaall the animals you want to, as long as you still cook ’em up for me!”

“Where Do Bibles Come From?” Max asked.

My expectant wife, Kathy, and I were on the couch talking, and she remarked that Max (who is now 17 months old) has been increasingly poking her in her rapidly disappearing navel and asking, “Baby?”

She told him, “Yeah, that’s where the unbib — I mean — the umbilical cord is!”

“Yeah, son, ” I said to both of them,  “It would be called the unBIBLICAL cord only if we weren’t married!”

Marsh-malaprops II

 Recently, while Kathy and I were watching a CNN news program, I called the guest,  Al Sharpton, portly, in an effort to mitigate his true squishiness.

Kathy interjected, “No, he is ‘hogly’! “ as opposed to being just ‘porkly!’

I can’t stop laffin’!!! I’m gettin’ dizzy!!!

Marsh-malaprops

Money is tight this Christmas season.

When I came home from work the other night, all happy and cheerful, and shouted, “Merrrry Chrisssstmaas!” to Kathy, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “BUM HUNGBUG!”

I fell out laughing!

“Hamlet” Sittin’ on a Dictionary

I’ve been dealing with a cold all this week. It’s been pretty miserable, as you must know. 

My sinuses were stopped up, and my comedian-wife asked me if I wanted her to turn my HUMILIATOR on! She’s the funniest woman I’ve ever met!

Malaprops.

My wife, Kathy, is (sometimes unbeknownst to her…) proficient at the art of the malaprop. I sometimes slip up and do it too. She’s gonna kill me if she sees this…

She said that an old magician practices “crustydigitation!”

Kathy got a million of these! I got three.