That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

Gas Pumps Give me Gas

In the interest of making sure that my stuff gets read — the long posts seem to get overlooked lately — I’ll keep this one short…

87       93         89

89       93         87

89       87         93

Does anyone notice how, when pumping gas, the stations list the octane levels in NON-sequential order?

Maybe I’m cynical, but I don’t think so. They do it so that unsuspecting drivers mistakenly get the 89 or 93 octane fuel by mistake. I’m sure of it.

It’s not enough that the lowest octane costs more than a movie ticket! They have to gouge out enough for the popcorn, too! “Gitcho hand out my POCKET!”

More “crooked preacher” stuff to come.

August 26, 2008 Posted by | Cars, Driving, Fuel, Gas Prices, Life, Oil, Oil Companies, Pet Peeves, Rant | | 5 Comments

The Only Pets I Have Are PEEVES!*

We all have things that boil our blood.

 Driving puts us in an environment where, while we are living life in immediate  contact with the rest of the world, we can instantly be killed or maimed for life because of someone else’s incompetence or inattention. One person’s moment of stupidity can steal your loved ones from you forever. Maybe that is part of the reason for road rage… I doubt if stagecoach drivers got into it with folk in covered wagons to the degree that we do nowadays!

I don’t rage on the road, but here are a few things about inconsiderate drivers that elevate my “prusha”**, as they say;

 “Get off the phone!!!” Since the cell phone has become so popular, I’ve noticed that every time someone slides over into my lane as I am attempting to pass them, it is because they have a freekin’ telephone up to their ear! As though they are sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for the microwave popcorn to get done, and not in TRAFFIC where people can die! And worst of all is that the phone is on the left ear, and the left arm supporting it is blocking the entire left side of their field of vision! How you gonna drive when half the stuff you need to see is on the other side of your ARM? 

When it’s raining, turn your headlights on!

When it is dusk, turn your headlights on! (NOT just your parking lights, either!) It is not so that YOU can see! It is so that I can see YOU!

If you are pulling out of a parking lot into traffic, and you can’t get up to speed before I slam into you… please wait. If you want to wreck someone else, fine, just let me get out of the way first.

If you DO pull out and see me approaching in that thing stuck to your windshield holding your air freshener, speed up! You’ll only use about 50 cents worth of gas, but you’ll save thousands in blood pressure medication.

If  you are in the left lane, and someone wants to pass you on the freeway, or comes up swiftly, please get out of the way! I don’t care if you ARE doing the speed limit! “Slower traffic, keep right.” That’s why they don’t call it the “meandering lane.”

That being said, don’t tailgate me! You should have left sooner!

If you are approaching a semi in the slow lane, and I am in the fast lane coming fast (faster than YOU), pleeeeeze let me pass before you swerve in front of me, causing me to stomp on my brakes to keep from parking in the trunk of your humongous white Crown Victoria! That shiny thing hanging outside your door is not for killing mailboxes, it is for noticing that there are other people on the road, too.

Speaking of Crown Vics, why do you elderly drivers invariably buy those behemoths knowing they look JUST like state troopers? You guys scare the $&^* out of me!!!

If you make a left turn, PLEEEZE turn into the left lane. Don’t swinnnng all the way over to the right! The street is not your personal driveway. The same goes for right turns…

Please don’t put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat. Do I really have to say this? Please don’t pull down the sunvisor to use the mirror to put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat while you are driving your loaded and cocked man-killer!

What geenyass*** thought up the idea of putting a doggone vanity mirror, with lights and everything, on the driver’s side anyway?!? Musta gone to the Kervorkian school of auto design! Is this traffic, or Patti LaBelle’s dressing room?!?

People don’t kill people. People on phones in cars kill people.

Don’t Drive Dumb, folks. Think and Drive. Thank you.

*Or: Driving Me CRAZY!

**Blood pressure

***Exceedingly smart individuals

December 2, 2007 Posted by | Cars, Driving, Pet Peeves, Traffic | 5 Comments