That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

This has always bothered me…

Why is it called “REVERSE RACISM” when white folk are injured?

It implies, or outright states, that the PROPER DIRECTION OF RACISM IS FROM WHITE TO OTHER!

I know what you mean, Sean and Rush! You’re supposed to be the ones discriminating.

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August 5, 2009 Posted by | Pet Peeves, Race, Racial Reconciliation, Racism, Rant, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity | 4 Comments

Contra Diction

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, who, almost arrogantly,  pronounces each and every letter of every syllable of every word she speaks, grates on my nerves sometimes.

We know you’re smart. We know you’re Ivy League educated. But do you have to go out of your way to elocute even the soft sounds at the ends of words? “…spiked(a) the punnncchh att my best(a) friend(a)s graduation(a) parttee.”  She sounds as if she is spitting out fish bones when she says words like, “terrorrisstss.” Gotta get that darn, tricky “ess”  in at the end! Wouldn’t want to appear ordinary.

If she just spoke like the rest of moderately educated humanity, she could save about fifteen seconds of dialogue per every minute of talking. She could winnow her show down to a half hour!

She sounds like a COGIC preacher.

It’s like listening to Niles Crane recite Shakespeare while gargling marbles. I feel like the next thing she is going to say to me is, “turn(a) lefffft in two pointt threee my-uls.”

Maybe it’s just me… I’ve been ill-tempered lately.

January 8, 2009 Posted by | Culture, Current Events, Entertainment, Humor, Language, MSNBC, Pet Peeves, Political Humor, Politics, Rachel Maddow, Rant, Television, TV, Words | 2 Comments

I Don’t Get It.

There are things, entities, and people whose popularity I just don’t understand. As there are too many things vying for the attention God deserves, I suggest that we be more discriminating with our adoration.

Here are a few. I will add more as they come to mind, you may do so as well. I hope I don’t burn any more bridges! I already can’t go back to where I was when I started this whole venture. This post is a little bit on the carnal side.

It’s all in fun, y’all, just jokes…

“Boomerang” era Robin Givens. Don’t get it. Never did. Her affected elocution sounds as though she has a mouth full of greazy marbles, and she looks like she’s pressed up against a force field. Totally two-dimensional face… Mike Tyson was too good for her!

T. Pain. I get the PAIN part. In my eyes and ears. “Buy ME a DRANK” and put some strychnine in it!

The fineness of Paris Hilton. Where? WHERE?

Keith Sweat. Come ON!

While I’m there, Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger, the “genius” of Alicia Keys, Lenny Kravitz,  and — yes — Jimi Hendrix.

M.A.S.H. Boringest show ever!!

Madonna. My goodness! Never was sexy, never could sing. Just nasty. I guess nasty is provocative. The emperor is nekkid, y’all.

Janet Jackson.I know I’m alone here. I was able to be mad at her for pulling her bress out on tv ’cause she never appealed to me. Un-fine.

Lil Wayne. This is why we need to re-program our daughters as to what “cute” is! Sets black folk waaay back. We need three Obamas to make up for one Lil Wayne!

  Twins. One is a parasite. The other one sucks your blood.

Steve Harvey. Pryor you ain’t.

David Caruso. (CSI Miami)I guess the definition of “sexy” is being the first man to show your butt on tv, no matter how you look. Arrogance on HGH!

Star Trek. Ughhhhhh! I like C-Span better!

Beer. Who tasted this first and said, “YEAH!! THAT’S the taste I was looking for!”?

Watching poker on television. Read a book. Or play poker!

Tyler Perry. I’m not mad at his effort, just the end result.

Woody Allen movies. Ambien without the fear of overdose.

Other movies; “Citizen Kane,” “The English Patient,” “My Left Foot,” and ANYthing Meryl Streep did.

Allen Iverson. As much heart as missed shots.

And Emmitt Smith (very good, but not the GREATEST), Bill Parcells, and Jim Rome (bullies).

Pecans. HATE ’em! Taste like bark.

Runway Fashion. No one ever wears the cardboard evening gown with the birdcage hat in public.

Horror movies. They never end. I like my monsters DEAD!

Fraternities. I know I’m stepping on toes here. “Hey, let me beat the blood out of you, and humiliate you for weeks, and I’ll let you call me ‘brother’, and then I’ll wreck your car, and borrow money from you that I’ll never pay back!” Stupid.

High Fives. Stopped doing it when everybody else started doing it, along with, saying, “bling,” “shout out,” “chill,” and “da bomb.” Do YOU.

Sagging pants with the drawz showing. Don’t y’all know that is prison chic? The ones who do it are the “woman” in prison.

Hip Hop award shows. Personally, I’m em-burrassed when I run across it. I’m sure God hides His face when they give Him props for Best Song for“Three Hoes an’ a Bottle o’ Criss.”

Spoken word. Pretentious for the most part.

Monique. Wake up! She ain’t deep! Even if she DOES frown seriously with every word! Can’t y’all read Ghetto?

Dr. Pepper. Is this not what anti-freeze tastes like?

Diet anything. Just drink water. I can actually HEAR the aftertaste! That can’t be good.

Bell Peppers. Who said this was FOOD?

ANGELINA JOLIE!!! The Piece of Resistance indeed! Where? Where the sexy at? Come on, folks, speak up. I know I ain’t the only one! If a set of lips made you fine, goldfish would be in Playboy.

This is just the start. I got a lot of them. I’m sure you do, too. I can’t talk Bible all the time…

November 4, 2008 Posted by | Culture, Entertainment, Humor, Hype, Overrated, Pet Peeves, Pop Culture, Rant, Stuff I Hate, Style Over Substance | 11 Comments

Gas Pumps Give me Gas

In the interest of making sure that my stuff gets read — the long posts seem to get overlooked lately — I’ll keep this one short…

87       93         89

89       93         87

89       87         93

Does anyone notice how, when pumping gas, the stations list the octane levels in NON-sequential order?

Maybe I’m cynical, but I don’t think so. They do it so that unsuspecting drivers mistakenly get the 89 or 93 octane fuel by mistake. I’m sure of it.

It’s not enough that the lowest octane costs more than a movie ticket! They have to gouge out enough for the popcorn, too! “Gitcho hand out my POCKET!”

More “crooked preacher” stuff to come.

August 26, 2008 Posted by | Cars, Driving, Fuel, Gas Prices, Life, Oil, Oil Companies, Pet Peeves, Rant | | 5 Comments

The Only Pets I Have Are PEEVES!*

We all have things that boil our blood.

 Driving puts us in an environment where, while we are living life in immediate  contact with the rest of the world, we can instantly be killed or maimed for life because of someone else’s incompetence or inattention. One person’s moment of stupidity can steal your loved ones from you forever. Maybe that is part of the reason for road rage… I doubt if stagecoach drivers got into it with folk in covered wagons to the degree that we do nowadays!

I don’t rage on the road, but here are a few things about inconsiderate drivers that elevate my “prusha”**, as they say;

 “Get off the phone!!!” Since the cell phone has become so popular, I’ve noticed that every time someone slides over into my lane as I am attempting to pass them, it is because they have a freekin’ telephone up to their ear! As though they are sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for the microwave popcorn to get done, and not in TRAFFIC where people can die! And worst of all is that the phone is on the left ear, and the left arm supporting it is blocking the entire left side of their field of vision! How you gonna drive when half the stuff you need to see is on the other side of your ARM? 

When it’s raining, turn your headlights on!

When it is dusk, turn your headlights on! (NOT just your parking lights, either!) It is not so that YOU can see! It is so that I can see YOU!

If you are pulling out of a parking lot into traffic, and you can’t get up to speed before I slam into you… please wait. If you want to wreck someone else, fine, just let me get out of the way first.

If you DO pull out and see me approaching in that thing stuck to your windshield holding your air freshener, speed up! You’ll only use about 50 cents worth of gas, but you’ll save thousands in blood pressure medication.

If  you are in the left lane, and someone wants to pass you on the freeway, or comes up swiftly, please get out of the way! I don’t care if you ARE doing the speed limit! “Slower traffic, keep right.” That’s why they don’t call it the “meandering lane.”

That being said, don’t tailgate me! You should have left sooner!

If you are approaching a semi in the slow lane, and I am in the fast lane coming fast (faster than YOU), pleeeeeze let me pass before you swerve in front of me, causing me to stomp on my brakes to keep from parking in the trunk of your humongous white Crown Victoria! That shiny thing hanging outside your door is not for killing mailboxes, it is for noticing that there are other people on the road, too.

Speaking of Crown Vics, why do you elderly drivers invariably buy those behemoths knowing they look JUST like state troopers? You guys scare the $&^* out of me!!!

If you make a left turn, PLEEEZE turn into the left lane. Don’t swinnnng all the way over to the right! The street is not your personal driveway. The same goes for right turns…

Please don’t put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat. Do I really have to say this? Please don’t pull down the sunvisor to use the mirror to put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat while you are driving your loaded and cocked man-killer!

What geenyass*** thought up the idea of putting a doggone vanity mirror, with lights and everything, on the driver’s side anyway?!? Musta gone to the Kervorkian school of auto design! Is this traffic, or Patti LaBelle’s dressing room?!?

People don’t kill people. People on phones in cars kill people.

Don’t Drive Dumb, folks. Think and Drive. Thank you.

*Or: Driving Me CRAZY!

**Blood pressure

***Exceedingly smart individuals

December 2, 2007 Posted by | Cars, Driving, Pet Peeves, Traffic | 5 Comments