That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

Kid Slaps Mother. When is the Funeral?

Okay, by now, you’ve probably either seen or heard of this… This kid slaps his MOTHER!!!

The first thing I did when I saw this was blame the mother — that’s right, the mother — for creating an environment where her kid THOUGHT that he could slap Mommy and survive. I could rant on all night about this, but perhaps I won’t…

This is another problem with the Oprahfication of America. We have to tell ourselves that the best way to raise children (whose brains don’t even function fully properly until well past puberty) is to REASON with them!! Adults reason. And even then, not always successfully!

This mother is being all nice and calm while the offspring of her body is flying apart.

I’ll tell you what — if any of my children (or anybody else’s) swing at me on camera, I’ll erase them and start drawing new ones!

There’s an analogy I heard a long time ago that I apply in rearing my kids: A man was at the circus and noticed that the elephants  — full-grown behemoths — were chained to wooden stakes that were hammered into the dirt. They could have easily pulled them up, but the slightest tension made them give in and stay put.

The visitor asked their trainer how this was possible.

“Simple,” he replied. “When the elephants are babies, we chain them to stakes that are embedded in the ground too deep for them to pull up. By the time they are strong enough, their memory of not being able to pull them up supersedes their knowledge of their abilities.”

One day my sons will be bigger and stronger than I. So I have to be invincible in their eyes in order that they don’t try me. There has to be fear until there is respect.

I thought my father would literally beat me to death if I challenged him. I thought he was crazy. (he was.) When I grew up and mentioned that to him, he laughed and told me that that was exactly the objective. I had to think that if I exceeded his boundaries, the price to pay would be final. That kept me away from drugs, theft, cutting classes, sneaking the car keys, drinking, sex… All the egregious sins, until my sense of not wanting to disappoint my parents was all I needed to basically keep me in line.

They reasoned with me only to the point that I was able to understand. I was not allowed to ask them where they were going when they left the house, or why I had to eat certain detestable foods, or “why” anything else they chose to have me do. I was allowed to voice my concerns and speak my mind, though, within certain limits.

I could not interrupt them when in conversation, and I could not join in adult tete a’ tetes. But they engaged me and respected my personhood — within limits.

Kids have a place. That is a dead notion, I know, but it is alive in my household, and never will a child of mine even bring to mind the idea of hitting ME! And my WIFE is the crazy one!!

There are worse things in the world than a butt-whupping, and this kid is going to experience a lot of them.

Raise your kids, folks! They are not born grown, and you do a disservice to them to treat them as though they are. Would you fly in a plane piloted by a person who only watched instructional films to learn how? Why, then, do you let Oprah tell you how to bring up children?

You watched that video and got mad at the boy. Well, I submit that he is only a product of his environment, and is functioning as designed.

April 13, 2010 Posted by | Children, Christian Life, Christianity, Discipline, Kids, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Parenthood, Parenting, Spanking | 7 Comments

Why Ya Think They Call ‘Em “Happy Meals?”

Max bows his head sorrowfully, as if about to pray, “Daddy?” soft as a whisper.
“What?!” I answer, sharply.
“Paw Paw… Richie-Ryan… Chic-kan nug-gets,” referring to my father and two young nephews and a food he likes.
I cover my face so he can’t see me smile.
 
Okay, imagine John Edwards saying to his wife: “Hey, Honey, did you lose weight or do something to your hair? You look GREAT!!”


Or Senator Craig saying to the arresting officer: “Wow, they sure keep these airport bathrooms spotless!”

 

Max, two years old now, has just gotten caught doing one of his list of a thousand daily things he knows not to do, and is trying to soften up the wrath.
“Paw Paw… Richie-Ryan… Chic-kan nug-gets.” I hear it twenty times a day.
But what can ya do?
 

August 14, 2008 Posted by | Boys, Children, Christian Life, Discipline, Fatherhood, Fathers and Sons, Home Life, Humor, John Edwards, Kids, Larry Craig, Life, Max, Parenthood, Parenting | 6 Comments

A Few More Licks…

Okay, I spent yesterday and today dealing with the spanking issue. I post all of this material on another site of the same name, and someone challenged me there. It gave me a chance to be more specific, and so I wanted to post the interaction here. I know that there are varying opinions, and I am not afraid to deal with them. The italics in Don’s portion of the post are mine… Here we go.
Don Pratt said…

I’m confused by your comparison. Those are two separate issues and people DO NOT fall on the same side of both issues. It does not follow that those who are pro-choice are against spanking. There ‘pro-choicer’s’ who spank, and some who don’t. There are right-to-lifers who spank, and some who don’t.

And regarding spanking: the studies conclusively prove that spanking causes harm. I find it puzzling that there’s even a debate.

May the peace of Christ be with you!

November 29, 2007 7:06 PM

 

 

MaxDaddy said…
Thanks for the comment, Don.
I am making what I feel is a valid generalization.

My point is this: generally speaking, liberals are the ones who don’t like spanking. Generally speaking, liberals are the ones who are in favor of abortion.

I find it odd that, generally speaking, those who say that spanking causes harm — Oprah, and the like — are the ones in favor of the ULTIMATE harm of killing a baby.

I know that there are opinions on both sides. I am speaking in general.

The word “liberal” (not as in “Democrat”) in itself defines the behavior that would allow kids to have more liberty in terms of being disrespectful, and disobedient, etc.

The same word defines the type behavior that would think that killing an unborn baby is a better solution than celibacy or sexual responsibility.

It is a liberal mindset that says to abort a fetus when it is inconvenient to carry it to term for whatever reason. The majority of abortions are NOT because of rape or incest, by the way. (And how is it the baby’s fault how it was conceived? Why do ignominious circumstances warrant the death penalty for the innocent?)

Of COURSE there are studies that prove spanking causes harm! There are studies that prove that NOT spanking causes harm, that spanking does good, that two parents are better than one, that two women make just as good parents, that gayness is unchangeable and genetic, that gays CAN change,  that aspirin does good, that aspirin harms, that heat is good for sprains, and that ICE is good for sprains! Global Warming studies go both ways, too.

Heck, the TOBACCO industry can put up studies that show that smoking is not harmful!

Studies have shown that there is a study to prove both sides of every issue in existence!

I submit that YOU probably adhered to the study that fell in line with your notion.

My personal study is like the scientific method of observation! I have seen where whacks on the butt, in proper administration, have been extremely effective. I have seen “time out” and the like fail miserably.

Practically every human being I have ever met, White, Black, Asian, Native American, etc. was spanked as a child! The number of them that turned out productive is in the upper nintieth percentile! Yeah, there are a few drug addicts in there, a couple who did time, but my (non-scientific) research has shown that usually the reason they turned out bad was because of other factors like being spanked out of anger or abuse, parental neglect, or some like reason.

I have seen spanking without love, restraint, and other proper measures fail horribly, and I have seen “reasoning” ridiculed by children who know that they are dealing with saps, wimps, and suckers!What do you do with the brute or the bully who refuses reasoning or time out? What do you do with little Billy who refuses to stay grounded, or refuses to not sneak and do what you told him not to do?

Spanking is a stopgap measure that plugs the dike until such time as little Billy develops the reasoning abilities to adhere to more mature methods.

BIBLE studies have conclusively proved that spanking, not abuse, is a Godly method of correction for a disobedient child.

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, and the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”

“If you whip a child, he will not die.” There are others. Different children require different degrees of discipline, and for some, spanking is a valid alternative.

God Himself spanks us in MUCH more painful ways than with a belt, and no one could accurately make the claim that HE causes us harm.

He took the life of David’s child because of David’s adultery and murder. How’s THAT for a whupping?!

Like you, I too find it puzzling that there is a debate. But the good thing right now is that You can raise YOUR kids the way you see fit, and I can do the same!

Please accept my words and be blessed!

Derrick.

November 30, 2007 Posted by | Abortion, Christianity, Common Sense, Corporal Punishment, Discipline, Liberals, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Parenting, Planned Parenthood, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Spanking | 5 Comments

“Thou Shalt Not Spank Thy Fetus.”

While I’m on the subject… 

Why is it that the very same people who cry about spanking are the ones who are okay with stabbing a LIVING fetus in the back of the head with a pair of scissors?

Why is it okay to kill a living, feeling human being, and not spank a disobedient child? Is it because there is no “hitting” involved in abortion?

These people act so tender and loving and caring and sensitive to the well-being of the most vulnerable among us. Why do they not react with outrage at the killing of an unBORN baby? Why are they so quick to make abortion about the woman and not the child? This is the Mount Everest of hypocrisy! Is a plane crash more about the plane, or the occupants?

If you truly care about the the littlest of us, show it by helping to make sure they at least GET here first without having someone vacuum out their brains while they wait innocently in line to simply be born!

“Love doesn’t hit!” they spout.

Well I doubt if love squashes out the life of a fetus because it interferes with the ability of the mother to “have it all,” or because she can’t afford it, or because the babyDaddy left, or because it would be embarrassing.

“Violence is not the answer,” they preach.

How doggone violent is an abortion? Pleeeze!

God told me to spank a foolish child and not to murder an innocent one. Case closed.

Will the passing of the proposed Massachussetts law mean that doctors who swat newborns will be arrested? I’m just asking…

You tell me to stay out of your bedroom. I suggest that you stay out of MY woodshed!

Some grown folk need to be whupped!

November 29, 2007 Posted by | Abortion, Christianity, Discipline, Parenthood, Parenting, Spanking | 4 Comments

Butts Are For More Than Just Shaking In Videos!

Spanking is NOT violence. Why should I even have to SAY that?! This is just a clever argument designed to cancel any potential disagreement. It is fallacious, though. Is ”violence” simply the act of one person physically inflicting pain on another? What about a car accident? Is that an act of violence? What about hernia surgery? Or a hernia EXAM for that matter! (Nawww, THAT’S some violence!)

A spanking is no more an act of violence than these occurrences.

And frankly, I don’t appreciate a shackin’, no-children-havin’, feminist, Universalist, New Age, talk show host tellin’ me how to raise my children in my Christian household!

Raise YOUR kids as you see fit. I will do the same. If YOU want kids who defy you, yell at you, disobey you, that’s fine. Mine won’t do those things. Not twice. I will not accept the label of ”abuser” because I choose to use a perfectly Godly method of discipline when necessary. Doing too little is as bad as doing too much. I suggest that one who is excessively liberal in dealing with his children is just as much an abuser as the parent who truly DOES beat his offspring. One who lets his kids run around doing what they please and talk back will unleash a complete terror on society. Those kids make teachers’ lives miserable, as well as shoppers, and co-workers later in life. They grow up to be awful friends, selfish paramours, and EX-husbands and wives. Check the divorce stats, if you think I’m lying! I propose that there are as many divorces, if not more, that had NO physical abuse but occurred because one or both parties had no willingness to tough out a rough situation selfishly choosing to ruin lives rather than live up to a commitment.See: Irreconcilable differences.

There are things that damage society just as much as child abuse– WHICH SPANKING IS NOT! Ask ENRON investors. Ask anyone who has suffered at the cloven hooves of a crooked politician.

Don’t try to trivialize a good point by saying that I think that the ills of the world will be solved with a belt. I am not ridiculous, so don’t you be. What I AM saying is that if you prune a shrub early, you stand a better chance of controlling and shaping its development.

Spanking is no more necessary in every situation as is the emergency brake in a car or a fire extinguisher– it is there for use in extreme cases. And different kids need different levels of discipline. My mother got only one spanking from her father, but some of her siblings got probably dozens. Oh, yeah, I just thought about it; the only sibling of hers to go bad was the one my grandmother wouldn’t let anybody touch! But THAT was just a coincidence, hunh experts?

When there was more discipline, there was less crime. There were fewer unwed mothers and fatherless children. Old people were respected, and children didn’t curse in front of grown-ups like they do now. The more lenient and ”progressive” we have become, the more incivil our world is. Whooh!! We really have evolved!

Gangs are RUN by kids. Kids with NO parental guidance. We are the first generation who are actually AFRAID of our children! Ask their innocent victims which is worse– a whipping or a bullet in the head.

”Nip it, nip it, nip it,” Barney Fife used to say. And I agree. My great-grandmother used to tell my father, ”Um gone git MY hands on you before the po-leece do, cuz they don’t care nudd’n ’bout cha! They’ll knock ya in na head an’ KILL ya!”  That is the truth. This world loves no one. It is hard and harsh, and will do whatever it can to take what you have. Including your life. A parent’s measured, Godly discipline is not harmful and will help a child avoid — or cope with– life’s potholes.

Christians have an ETERNAL perspective that allows us to see the tremendous difference between a whupping and death. We know that there are worse things in life than a child crying. We serve a God who tells us that whipping a child will not kill him. It is a temporary pain. God disciplines us in sometimes painful ways. We ALL will lose our lives. I am not angry with the Lord because I will die, or because my folks won’t live forever, and even if I did get angry, He is God enough to not let that make Him soft. He will hurt our feelings when and if necessary.

We, however, ARE soft. Rather than have our kids angry with us, we try to become their pals. A bunch of spineless yes-men! We try to reeezon with them. How can we reason with a person who doesn’t possess the judgment to drive a car or marry or drink alcohol or buy a gun or rent an apartment or share a toy or eat vegetables or stay out of mud puddles or come in when the street lights come on or not eat the Christmas lights!!! “STOP, MAX!!!”

I don’t necessarily have the time to explain the properties of alternating current and conductive metals to a doggone baby. I don’t necessarily have the time to explain how boiling water makes baby’s skin slide off. A sharp smack on the hand saves time, words, and LIFE!!!

We opened the gate wide and let them run around in traffic. So that WE could feel better about our compassionate selves. I say that a child getting hit by a metaphoric car out in that street is a DIRECT act of violence!

I’ll stop spanking my kids when Oprah starts spanking hers!

November 27, 2007 Posted by | Childhood, Christianity, Discipline, Family, Fatherhood, Liberals, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Parenthood, Parenting, Spanking | 18 Comments

“This is Gonna Sting a Little…”

They Don’t Hate You.Coaches.Fathers.

Teachers.

Drill Instructors.

I used to think they hated me. They were so mean. Making me do stuff I couldn’t do. Didn’t want to do. Pushing me. Frowning. Yelling.

They never told me they were trying to make me better, stronger, smarter, tougher. They never said that the purpose was to make a man out of me. I didn’t know the true purpose until years later. I just thought at the time that they wanted to win at whatever the game was, and that I was simultaneously failing and causing them to fail. I thought they were trying to live through me, or to get a raise or promotion.

Had I known, I might have tried harder at more things and not given up a little inside. Maybe then, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to realize I wasn’t a loser that nobody liked. I wouldn’t have had to find out for myself.

This, however, is not about self-pity.

It is about my son. My children.

And perhaps yours.

“Max, the world is hard, and soft things get crushed. Those who can’t take it get taken.

This world sniffs out weakness and devours it, and you will be strong. Some people will try to take advantage of you. I will try to teach you to discern friends from abusers. But learning takes effort. Soft muscles become hard under pressure.

The first time you try to throw a ball, shoot a basketball, or ride a bike you will fail. No athletic endeavor is perfected without hours of dedicated practice.

You will have to wash dishes, wash cars, cut yards, mop floors, learn manners, eat things you don’t like, and not ask ‘why.’ You will at times think me mean, but I will not be swayed by that. It is not my first desire to be your friend, but your parent. You will be a citizen. You will improve this world, not burden it. We can be friends when YOU have kids and understand why I did what I did.

The first, even the tenth, math problem you encounter will be difficult to solve. Your first sentence will sound funny. Repetition is what will bring you understanding. You don’t get to give up. You will learn.

You will learn when to laugh, when to cry, when to fight, and when to listen. You will know when to comfort, how to be loyal, how to treat a woman, and how to pick a friend. You will know the Lord, and show the Lord. Above all else.

We will have a lot of fun in life, but I’m going to push you sometimes. There will be things that I will make you do that you will not want to do. You will fail a little now so as not to become a failure. Just understand that I do it- they do it- not out of hatred, but out of a desire, a responsibility, to make you more than you can become on your own. A knife needs a stone to become sharp. A sword needs fire to be shaped.

Daddy loves you.”

September 6, 2007 Posted by | Advice, Childhood, Discipline, Fathers and Sons, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Parenthood, Parenting, Parents, Personal Responsibility | 1 Comment