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A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

Signs that Jesus is Putting His Socks On:

There are things happening in the country lately — some funny, some sad, some scary —  that make me SURE  that the LORD is about to crack the sky. We’re at the place now where Gomorrah was when God destroyed it.

1. Seminary student Omarosa’s reality show! “I have an insatiable sexual appetite,” she says as she proceeds to frolic in hot tubs and boudoirs with numerous men.

2. Disgraced preacher, Jamaal Harrison Bryant as moderator/mediator/meditator on said show.

3. People — in the news and in regular life — stealing peoples’ husbands and parading around proudly, pregnant.

4. People I know having “threesomes” and acting as though that is just another way to do life.

5. Snuggies

6. Relativism

7. Sandwiches with fried chicken buns — with CHEESE for meat!

8. Companies that make soy beans AND pesticides.

9. Thus, the FDA.

10. Insurance companies

11. Politicians.

12. Cell phones.

13. Cell phones in CARS.

14. Auto tune

15. Singers with “abs.” But no voices.

16. Gosselins.

17. Real Housewives of Atlanta, or of the NBA, or of the Jersey Shore, or…

18. Booty Pop underdraws.

19. The “Shake Weight.”

20. The NORMALIZATION of everything! Cursing, shacking up, same-sex, promiscuity, un-wed pregnancy…

21. The abolition of shame.

22. Pay RADIO!!! Air is next!

23. Hydrogenated oils.

24. Photo shop.

25. Tolerance.

26. 82 lb. four-year-olds.

27. A robotic, asexual-seeming, married ex-vice president under investigation for trying to forcibly hook up with a matronly, portly, middle-aged masseuse in a hotel room.

28. Raves in football stadiums.

29. Christmas shopping stampedes ending in deaths.

30. Militias.

31. “The Tea Party.” right. We all know what that is.

32. Sequels.

33. Kids not getting spanked — or sternly spoken to, even — because childless talk show hosts and doctors named SPOCK frown on it.

34. The resulting disembowelment of every aspect of society.

35. Celebrity rapists.

36. Cellphone video.

37. Gospel plays.

38.  Open marriages.

39. Lady Gaga

40. Oily oceans.

41. A $750,000,000 divorce settlement, amounting to 75% of a man’s net worth for a woman whose only experience with a golf club is when she swung it at her husband.

42. Guys with a BILLION dollars to lose hooking up with every loose broad, sister, skeez, dame, doll, tomata, heffer, chick, shorty, wench, chicken head, freak in captivity!! And leaving them voice mails with his name!! He might be a golf player, but he ain’t no player!!!

43. Twilight.

44. Blago.

45. John… Edwards AND Boehner.

46. Drunken college frat parties.

47. Tar Balls. Something entendre-ish about that… foreboding.

48. Botox.

49. Fifty-year-old women with unexpressive doll faces and fish lips.

50. $12 doggone movie tickets!!!

51. Something called, “Brangelina.”

52. People all over the place predicting the end of the world.

It is not necessarily one thing, but the accumulation of these — and so many others — that spell doom for this world. I’m not scared of it, though. I just want folk to straighten up and get right with God. He’s not gonna be happy when He gets back and sees what we did to the house!

July 1, 2010 Posted by | Apocalypse, Christianity, End Times, Eschatology, Faith, Humor, Marriage | 2 Comments