That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

“Yesterday”, Today, FOREVER!

I hope this is not a long post…

I just got through watching a Toni Braxton video, and one line of her song, “Yesterday” stuck with me: “I just don’t love you no more…”

It’s as simple as that nowadays. I just ain’t feelin’ you, so, I’m out! Just like that. You come home from work, and she”just don’t love you no more,” so get your stuff, put it in a bag, and go sleep on your boy’s couch while we divvy up all the assets.

I believe she and her husband are seperated, but that is not the main point of this post. The point is, if the only thing a marriage has holding it together is whether one spouse STILL LOVES  the other, it is doomed! I can’t sanely live as a married man from day to day, year to year, if I am depending solely on that girl in the other room back there to continue loving me with her own resources.

There has to be another driving force. I, likewise, cannot say with confidence that I will not leave her or cheat on her if I am relying on my own feelings to be the glue. Kathy knows, and I know that while — yes — we do have enourmous affection and tremendous passion, and all the other touchy-feely stuff for each other, it is the unwavering unmoving, unchanging hand of God that gives us the assurance of “till death…”

Feelings change. That’s why when I see shows like “Entertainment Tonight” talk about how much “in lovvvve” a particular couple seem, I get the stirrings of rage that make me want to take all of them by the collective collar and counsel them on the real aspects of true love. People who base marriage on how they feeeel today should put the lawyers on speed dial. Don’t marry someone because you have passion alone for them. Marry because you will be committed to loving them more than you love yourself until you die! “Love” being an act and not a feeling.

If you don’t think you can do that — don’t.

If you believe that God will sustain you when your feelings wane, jump in with both feet! It is not an absence of lust that will keep you — or her — from cheating.Muscle maintenance  will not keep her chasing you around the room. (an EX-girlfriend saw my arms in short sleeves once, and said threateningly, “don’t loooose it…” *She gone!*)

I could say a lot more, but it’s 2:25 AM, I’m tired, and the baby is crying. And I love him. GET it?


January 28, 2010 - Posted by | Christian Life, Christianity, Jesus, Love, Toni Braxton


  1. haha…get it, indeed.

    good write up, man. im always amazed by how easily marriages can crumble these days. i wont say that i necessarily yearn for the days of yonder (as the reluctance to divorce left a lot of women in abusive situations…even in the church), i do think we need to buck up as couples, learning to get past petty arguments and growing in the union we promised before God.

    Yeah, man!

    Comment by Joe E | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  2. “…we do have enormous affection and tremendous passion, and all the other touchy-feely stuff for each other, it is the unwavering unmoving, unchanging hand of God that gives us the assurance of “till death…”” THAT is what I wanted Ted Haggards wife to say when Oprah asked her why she stayed!!!!! Not just the “I love him…he needed me” part, but the “I made a covenant between God and him, & with His strength I stayed!”

    Thanks, Heather. A lot more could be said… And will be at some point!

    Comment by heatherltrotter | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. Great words D. You really are on to something here. I have been married 15 years and never thought about why we are still together. I assumed we we just meant to be. It really is more than that. Logic says we are bound to tire but love is an act and not a feeling. May have to put that line in a song here real soon. Thanks for your spirit and wisdom. It will help me and many others as I work to keep love alive.

    Comment by Nick | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks, Nick! I’m trying to make sure I do this thing right. A wrong mindset is a recipe for failure.

      Comment by maxdaddy | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  4. ha ha i can’t get that song

    Comment by nehemiah | January 21, 2011 | Reply

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