That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

Paper Tiger

wow. So another known figure has to admit to “transgressions.” What is new?

A. Rod, Michael Jordan, Brad Pitt and his vampire, Ali., any politician, King DAVID and Bathsheba, every rock star, Meg Ryan, the wife from the Sopranos, Ted Haggard, Madonna, Jesse Jackson, O.J., Bill Cosby, Jamal Harrison-Bryant, Anne Heche, plus billions of other people.

It is a common occurrence, and while it doesn’t anymore surprise me, it still sickens me. I proclaim that I will never cheat on my wife, that there are too many steps involved — any one of which provides me the chance to stop and think…

So, what makes it so prevalent? Aside from the fact that the urge was designed to be as strong as it is in order that multiplied billions of us are reproduced? We are all sinners! Given time and opportunity, all of us have done what we shouldn’t have at one time or another. For me, absent an all-seeing God who taps me on the shoulder constantly, I would go, too.

The confidence I have is not that I am great — or even GOOD — but that God can’t die and won’t cast me over the side (a problem those who don’t believe in the perseverance of the saints must reconcile).

My lack of shock at Tiger’s confession does not mean that I am jaded and resigned to the plummet of morality. I happen to think that a God who can see the whole future KNEW that we would do what we do when He set down the Law millennia ago! And my disappointment is not that I thought him perfect. I’m just tired of seeing brilliant people be so doggone STOOPID! I’m tired of things like this giving man-haters seeming validation for their points of view.

Yes, men cheat. They cheat with women! Women cheat. People cheat. It’s not as though there is a lost continent somewhere where all the sluts are, and that that’s where rich guys go when they tell their wives that they have a conference in Toledo.

I’m sick of press gatherings and pubic apologies and beleaguered wives and feeding frenzies.

Maybe it’s because I was never a guy who had women chasing me around the room, but I can’t see how folk can be so monumentally dumb as to leave text message trails and voice mails on the cell phone of women with the moral depravity to have sex with somebody’s husband!!!

How can you be a genius on the golf course, and a buffoon in the battle of the sexes? Why did he get mixed up with hostesses and waitresses? I’m sure there were homewreckers out there with as much to lose as he who were willing to lay up and shut up!

I do have an occupation which provides me with ample opportunity to do what I want and get away with it. I see guys doing it all the time. (And I sometimes see them get caught!) I have a wife burdened down with children, so I don’t have to worry about her popping up on me unexpectedly. I get looks occasionally, and sometimes more than just looks. But aside from love and fidelity, fear would keep me in check. Fear of the whooping God would lay on me if I did that! And fear of not raising my kids, and of having my wife hate me. Fear of public shame and ridicule. Fear of having people throw this blog in my face and calling me a hypocrite. And fear of the ramifications of the damage to my Christian efforts.

A few years ago, a  married woman slashed the tires on my sister’s car. She worked with my sister and told her that her husband was a mechanic (a big, greezy dude). She saw the car in her driveway and lost it.  My parents wanted to meet with her and her husband, and I wanted to be there, too!

The woman apologized profusely, saying that it happened at the spur of the moment. When everybody else was through talking, I said what I had to. I told her husband that if ANYthing happened to my sister, since I would go to jail for beating up a woman, I would come to HIM, and that his best move was to make sure his wife acted rationally because his wife wasn’t the only one who could go crazy!

But my main point of attack was at her assertion that it was a spur of the moment act. I told her that that was not true. She had to look out the window, see the car, get angry, go into the drawer and get a knife, unlock the door and go outside, stab one tire, and walk allll the way around to the other side and stab another one!

At any point, I told her, she could have stopped herself. She could have realized that the car would be stuck in her driveway. And that she would have to pay for the tires, not being able to lie about who did it. And that she would still have to face my sister at work. AND THAT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD MY SISTER ABOUT HER HUSBAND BEING A MECHANIC IN THE FIRST PLACE!

she agreed.

I tell this story to emphasize the fact that there are many steps to adultery. There are countless chances to let the heat of lust die down and gather the senses — and the loins. You have to meet a person, have a conversation, get a number, DIAL the number, erase the number, drive to the meet-up, get the room, and do all the rest. An affair has even more steps. One has to really be unhitched from the conscience to do all that. And that is scary!

And simply getting caught — which is what always causes the confession — doesn’t automatically switch on what was shut off.

When I go to work at the nightclub, or most other gigs, I always take my palm pilot. I spend my breaks playing Scrabble. I know the guys think I’m this dull church boy, but I don’t care. That thing keeps my mind occupied. They don’t know me the way I know me! I see the women — can’t help it — but I don’t dwell on it.

My philosophy has always been to keep myself out of tough situations. It’s easier to get out of a puddle than a pool! When I was single, all I did was think about how fine this woman or that one was, and how I could break past the shyness to win one. But even then, I tried to keep myself from getting into debauchery. I know that was God, and while I usually listened to His voice, the times when I didn’t always led to pain.

To this day, I can’t see how guys do what they do out in the open, but I can’t go around moralizing. What I do do is take the opportunities presented to me to tell them about my methods and reasoning. It’s a lot more fun to not have to feel like Tiger feels now than to roll in the sack and lie about it and get caught and get cussed out by the wife and hire a lawyer and give half a billion dollars, the houses and cars and KIDS to her for some other dude to enjoy!

 But Tiger didn’t ask me.

It’s a lot more fun to win a Scrabble game than to feel like the stuff on the bottom of the oven on the inside because you messed up again.

It feels a lot better to envision a bright future than to spend your time wishing your arms were long enough to grab and change the past…

This is why I idolize God. I know I won’t ever have to worry about TMZ coming up with photos of Jesus and some random harlot drunk frolicking in the back of a Tahoe, or a voice mail of Him asking said harlot to erase her name from her phone. Jesus won’t ever have to “release a statement.” Only a Testament.


December 2, 2009 - Posted by | A. Rod, Adultery, Advice, Christ, Christian Life, Fidelity, Integrity, Tiger Woods


  1. You know, I was saying something similar when the Mark Sanford case blew up. He claims that neither one of them knew what was going on until it had happened … not true. He had to decide to go to that dance club, choose to hang out with the woman, choose to talk to her alone, etc.. There were all kinds of steps along the way.

    Kudos on the Scrabble. That’s exactly what we men should be doing if we’re headed for potentially-dangerous situations like night clubs — using our brains so as not to flirt with temptation (or anyone else).

    I’m sure that lots of people think that they can handle a little flirting, or maybe one drink, once dance, etc.. Then they realize that they want more. Better to avoid it all.

    Great post, Derrick!

    Comment by wickle | December 3, 2009 | Reply

    • HEY, MAN! Thanks! Yeah, you have to shout down your conscience a lot of times to do stuff like that!

      Comment by maxdaddy | December 3, 2009 | Reply

    • Good morning sir. I do not know you but stumbled across your blog. WOW! I have never replied to people like you but feel compelled this time. You sound so very JEALOUS. Why are you so concerned about other people and their sex lives. Why do you feel justified in judging and calling names all under the guise of christianity. WHY are you so jealous of Tiger Woods and other people who have hot satisfying sex lives. It seems quite obvious to anyone reading your ‘work’ that your are sorely missing some fun in the bedroom. Let me correct your misguided thought process. Sir, “cheating” does not just happen. When a spouse looks outside of his mariage it is because the union is not fullfilling its committment. You are obviously unhappily married and AFRAID to make a move. You are like so many other people who just settle in life. Then you get mad at other people beause YOU are not happy with your choices. How do YOU know that Tiger Woods did not do the RIGHT thing by going with all of the women he wanted. How do YOU know that it was not WELL WORTH it to him to get a divorce. He is still the father of his children. This ‘idea’ of one man one woman was created by people. GOD gave people a sex drive.Do you really think you are a good christian by insulting others and name calling because you OBVIOUSLY have a dull a lacking sex life. Jealousy is very ugly. Maybe if you worked on this problem you have you could write something worth reading. Maybe if your wife satisfied you YOU would not be so quick to wasted all of this time spewing hate.Again, WOW. Whatever problems I have in my life, after reading your envious words Sir, you sound like an ignoramus who is in serious need of a new wife or girlfriend. Maybe some golf lessons. You need to put away your laptop and go look in the mirror.Marriage vows count all the way around. See, so if you promise to be loving and kind but you are mean and hateful you break a vow.Is THIS cheating? Of course.If your are controlling and rude and lie about money ? Don’t help around the house? Mean to the kids? And on and on and on is THIS breaking wedding vows? Of course. So, why then are you in a obsessed state of concern over other people “cheating”? I would easily say you are begrudging. Not nice. Not pretty.Maybe just mabe if you worked on YOURSELF sir, you would have better luck in between the sheets.
      You have many people reading you, this in itself has nothing to do with your inability to performin a way that gratifes you at the core. Right sir? WOW.Brains ARE involved with flirtation . It is NORMAL and natural. You are pent up because you are fighting your ownself. If you and your wife,Kathy had it together you could have wild pleasing sex yourselves!! As a parent I hope you keep some of this hog wash you utter away from your kids ears or at least let them hear discourse from people who disent from your tainted opinion on sex, money, men and marriage.WOW. Really, I am delighted to get a chuckle anytime in life. Your words are so far off they are silly.Sexting,is wonderful. So ,much fun. The problem is people need t mind their own business. But they don’t. Like you, see….you are so wrapped up in other people because you are lacking and void. Try texting. Where is that immoral? Another woman’s husband???? Please sir, we are not owned by people. If a married man goes with a single woman why you think she is wrong? It is the other womans problem and what goes for the goose does go for the gander. How old are you? Obviously you have been walking around a very long time unsatisfied. Adults are adults. Mrs.Woods knew who she was marrying. You definitely need to get a life sir. Again professing to be a Christian is odd that you are not ashamed to go on the internet and gossip with hateful thoughts and hilarious but boorish commentation of people that are in the news. The US is a Christian based country with freedom of speech, yet, never forget sir, marriage is a man made idea. We are all brothers and sisters of the human race. You are no better than Tiger Woods. If you want more in your life stop complaining and go after it.Better to avoid wanting more? Hahahaha no! more is good. When your are dead there will be no more.MORAL DEPRAVITY??????? Hahhahhaha oh my. How OLD are you? You and your parents involved in your sisters life?MANY steps to cheating? Yes! Hello? Right!OBVIOUSLY you are dying to ‘cheat’ you had better ‘get laid’ and quick because Sir, you are a time bomb.Oh my I am SO glad I do not know you. This in and of itself will assure I have a goodday. Oh and last word of advice. Try getting some exercise. Don’t drink too much and perhaps that will help you in the sex department. You are missing life!!!!!Good Luck!

      Comment by Fanny Mae | February 2, 2011 | Reply

      • Well. OBVIOUSLY yours is the more rational point of view. And the decent, reasonable tone of your response teaches me a lot. Thank you. We could ALL stand to learn from the way you conduct your life.

        But could you do me a favor in the future? If you condescend to return? Could you break your rant up into a couple of paragraphs so I can keep track of the insults from line to line? Thanks, Fanny.

        Comment by maxdaddy | February 3, 2011

  2. Celebrities have it tough. The things that many of us covet are the things that make them almost impossible to “relate” to…as in form lasting, stable, and honorable relationships.

    They’re not used to being told “No”. That’s a biggie. When you can have what you want, when you want it, as much as you want, without having anybody say “enough”, it messes you up. They don’t have the restrictions that many of us have, simply because of who they are. The things that women do, to get at these guys is just…off-the-chain, out of bounds…crazy.

    Wanna talk about the “steps” that lead to infidelity? How about women who show up at your hotel room, sans morals, sans clothes, but with plenty of will to do…your will? The average man can’t handle that. Took me years to REALLY understand why Joseph “ran”, from Potiphar’s wife. If King David had only looked away, when he saw Bathsheba bathing…woulda changed the way it all turned out.

    Yes, there are many of us who seek God, and desire to be under His authority (and have made a commitment to honor Him, even when it’s tough to do so), but sometimes I have to thank God for the “fences” in my life…and I do thank Him.

    Plus, most of them have “friends” who either enable them, or/and just turn the other way and stay silent. Nobody wants to tell Tiger, “You gotta stop the hoe thing, because it’s going to destroy you one day”, because where Tiger is, the fun/fame/good times are there also. It’s hard to find somebody who cares enough about you, as a person, minus all the stuff you have. Everybody is around for the ride.

    Not that that’s an excuse to do wrong, but friends who love and care about you, and who have the ability to discern good from evil, can make a world of difference in your life.

    Sorry for the long post, Derrick.

    Comment by A Nappy Girl | December 29, 2009 | Reply

    • Yeah, can’t argue with any of that. All of us have SOMEthing we’re drawn toward. I suppose that if rainbow sherbet were a sin, I’d be hellbound!

      I haven’t had women throwing themselves at me — to THAT degree — so I imagine it is incredibly tough… I’ve seen some CRAZY stuff though!!! (Had a guy offer me his girl if I gave him this cool shirt I used to have. And she was standing right there smiling and nodding!!!

      I’m no tower of strength, and I’m not cold to Tiger’s dilemma, I just think that what Barkley said was true: They are role models, but NOT role models! They are notable, but not necessarily imitable.

      But I see SO many guys cheat without conscience — without even the slightest internal struggle. And then turn around and participate in a conversation about God like nothing happened. And I DO think Tiger could cut down on the chances for slippage by not engaging in chancy activities and hanging with dicey friends. Getting a friend to fly your mistress to the other side of the world is not a chance encounter.

      And the women are — yes — just as foul!!! But they get to play the victim when it all comes to the surface. I HATE that!

      And quit apologizing for the long comments!! 🙂

      Comment by maxdaddy | December 29, 2009 | Reply

  3. First,
    Let me say that I wasn’t challenging what you were saying. I agree with you, but I just wanted to throw in a few things, because so many dudes can’t handle winks from the girl at Starbucks, let alone full, all-out assaults on their morality (or lack of).

    Now…the WOMEN are another blog post. Let’s start with Tiger’s wife: What did she think she was getting? I don’t know, but I don’t think I’d touch ANY professional athlete, with a ten-foot pole. Yeah, I know there’s probably a few, who toe the line and keep it together for the most part, but for even those men, an occasional “indiscretion” is inevitable and acceptable, according to their standards.

    Some women really thing they have that special “something” that will “snap” a whorish man right into line. Some think they can handle what comes with rich and famous husbands, and they find out later they can’t. Some deal with it, because they love all the perks, and shopping sprees, and exotic vacations. But it’s totally naive to think that marriage is going to turn a playa into a monk. There ain’t a woman under heaven who can do that.

    Comment by A Nappy Girl | December 29, 2009 | Reply

    • YOU know I know that! I was just responding to what you said! And taking the time to be clear about what I did mean!

      It is only to avoid seeming misogynistic that I don’t launch into an assault on the “gold-digger” phenomenon…!

      Comment by maxdaddy | December 29, 2009 | Reply

  4. I know you knew…I just wanted to clarify for others who may read the comment.

    As far as the “gold-digger phenomenon”, just go for it..dig deep and do your best. I got your back! LOL!

    Comment by A Nappy Girl | December 29, 2009 | Reply

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