That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

Saying “I’m wrong,” is All Right


Until you admit you are wrong when you are wrong, everything you try to do is going to fail. You don’t get to admit error in an arrogant, falsely modest, condescending, passive-aggressive way — I’m just a peon, all of you are really better at this than I am — while still continuing  the same course of action that caused the division in the first place. Sugary words mean nothing when accompanied by harmful actions.

I am speaking of a person in particular, but the principle is universally applicable. I can’t stand to be around people who are never wrong. (And Jesus ain’t just “PEOPLE”)

The reason I can have a continuously harmonious relationship with my wife is that we choose not to play these games with each other. If I am wrong — and she convinces me of it (chuckle) — I have no problem admitting it. How is it respectful toward her to KNOW she is right, but deny it because I don’t want to lose the high ground? All this will do is embitter her.

She shows me the grace to do the same thing. There have been times when I have had an issue or another with her and thought, “Oh, Lord, help me in this! I know she’s gonna push back hard, and we’re gonna have to rassle!” But invariably she will sit there silent after I’ve laid out my case. I’m thinking, “Here we go! She’s HOT!” and she will say, “You know what? You’re right. I was wrong” Just like that.

And what that does for me is make me more secure in the relationship! I grow to love her more because I know that no one likes to be wrong in a sincerely held belief, and to change a thought process is a huge thing. That she does that for me means that she really does love me for the long run!

Friendship is the same way. We all miss the mark. We all are selfish at times. We all shade the truth from time to time. We all simply make mistakes. But YOU, Dude to Remain Nameless, are never wrong. To pretend perfection only frustrates fellowship. I have friends who USED to be that way, and I USED to be friends with people who ARE that way.

What ends up happening is that you alienate those who seek to build a relationship. The fact that it is always the next man’s fault makes the next man take a hike.

When YOU play a wrong note, or show up late, or cancel an engagement, or miss a practice unexcused, there is always a reason. When someone else does it, it is a dearth of dedication or a lack of reverence for you or your endeavor.

What your feigned infallibility says to me is that you think I am either intellectually inferior or not important enough, worthy enough, to warrant the truth. The fact that you can lie to my face about the contents of a conversation that only you and I had, says to me that you respect me less than you would a slug sliding on the ground! It says that you think of your associates as women to be manipulated and that you are a player a la Bill Bellamy, just playing mind games to show your superior smoothness. Men don’t like that. Stop doing it. Real life is not a game of cat and mouse. Or dog and cat… Don’t try to play me like I’m some woman you’re trying to hit up in a club somewhere.

It takes strength to admit wrong. The strength to swallow all that pride and just say, “My bad,” and shut up and keep moving. Not the phoney, self-aggrandizing, “my only sin is that I care too much” kind of stuff you shovel out.

Do you know how angry you make people when you do that? You have “Proverbs” smeared all over you.

And if you drag God’s name through it, you commit the sin of trying to make Him an accomplice to your crimes. Don’t say you are doing His work if you treat His people like the dirt on your shoes. That’s just another player move. “I can get more followers if I say I am doing the Father’s bidding.”

As I said, this stems from a conversation I already tried to have with a guy I know. But we all know folk like him. If you don’t — then, it is YOU!

We would all benefit by learning to admit wrong, and to forgive wrong. I think that a lot of the problem lies in the fact that we often think that if we are found to be wrong in some way, people will think less of us or love us less, or cast us aside.

So, logically, if our friends develop the confidence of knowing that they will be sincerely forgiven, harmony will result. Nameless Friend, however… In the words of Celie, “…till you do right by me…”

And, no, I’m not talking about Stephen A. Smith. Although…

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September 22, 2009 - Posted by | Adage, Advice, Christ, Christian Life, Christianity, Common Sense, Food for Thought, Friendship, Marriage, Rant, Stephen A. Smith, Stuff I Hate

2 Comments »

  1. You are right! (hahahahahhaha)

    Okay, I’m better now. In all honesty, I think the Grace to admit we are wrong is not a human trait, it is a supernatural grace. Our humanness possesses concupiscence toward sin of which the root is pride. Pride blinds us from the Light and from the grace of Humility which we need to admit when we are wrong. I know you know all of this but here is my point….(taking long enough isn’t it!)

    This dude, and all those dudes we know, who are infallible, are not snubbing us in their actions…they are snubbing Christ in us. It is the same problem society possesses – which is an obvious extension of the individual.

    I guess the real challenge is how do we explain to these individuals their actions are wrong, without grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking the crap out of them… For me, the answer so far has been to try and live a life with Christ so present that the Truth is evident for all to see and be healed. Now to be honest that sounds nice but I suck at it…. (hhaha)

    Comment by bob | September 25, 2009 | Reply

  2. Hey Maxdaddy!!!

    Your post is dead on, brother! One of the things you said, “The fact that you can lie to my face about the contents of a conversation that only you and I had, says to me that you respect me less than you would a slug sliding on the ground!” was classic! Thank you! My feelings exactly.

    I had a rather traumatic experience with a ahmmm “friend” or two, who treated me just as you have described. One lied to my face about a conversation she and I had, alone, and the other “friend” lied to my face about a conversation she and I had amongst others … who conveniently said “they were not paying attention and can’t really remember what was said … yada, yada, yada! Oh, somebody give me a great big break!!!

    Anyway, I also appreciate how you mentioned how they want to bring God in on it. Isn’t that just the WORST!!!??? I mean, my one friend did this down to a science! She even quoted Scripture (against me), and then had the nerve to say when it comes to the way I worship God, I was a phony! She applauded people (and she got around to many, many) who agreed with her. Actually, they had better agree with her, or she do the same thing to them that she was doing to me! Phew!

    The other friend used God (again, against me) after fibbing to me all over the place, to say that He was not pleased with my behavior! You see, my “behavior” was to call her on something that was TRUE, and she denied and accused me of lying about. When I turned the tables on her and reminded her of what she said … well, of course THAT’S when the lying started. She was all truth and light. I was simply a liar, letting God down.

    Here’s the bottom line. God knows the TRUTH! In both cases, and I am thankful that He does. Nuff said!

    Love your sight, man.

    Keep “shining” your LIGHT … God can dig it!

    In Him completely,
    meanjean <
    Heb. 13:20-21

    Comment by mean jean | October 6, 2009 | Reply


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