That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

How I Learned the Bible


“How you gone just sit there and let all them people in front of you? I got somewhere to be! D&%n Good Samaritan! If you ain’t gone drive it, park it!” exclaimed my father, stuck in traffic behind a courteous slow driver.

“Ohhh.” I thought, putting two and two together… “A ‘good Samaritan’ is someone who helps someone else for no apparent reason.” My parents used to use that one a lot.

“G@d! Je$us! Man, PASS the ball! Quit being so d&%n selfish!!” Shouted my father at Andrew Toney, who played for the Sixers back in the day.

“Ohhh!” I realized, “Jesus is God in the flesh, and He committed the most unselfish act of all. I get it now.”

“If I come in this house and these dishes ain’t washed, It’s gone be Armageddon up in here when I get back!” Said my mother upon reaching the end of the rope.

“Ohhh! Armageddon is the battle that occurs at the end of the world!” I discovered after a few times of failing to meet a deadline due to procrastination…

“I don’t know why you askin’ ME for no money! I’m poor as Job’s turkey!”

“Ohhh!” I gathered. “Job was a man, like Daddy, who had had a lot of kids, and was incredibly poor at some point. And if HE didn’t have nothing, you KNOW his turkey was broke! Sorry for asking, Dad.”

Great teachers I had.

(How I learned Civics) “Bring less than a ‘B’ in here if you want to! It’s gone take a act of Congress to pull me off you!!”

(How I learned what color rice was)“Boy! If you don’t turn off that TV and do your homework, I’mma be on you like white on rice!!”

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January 14, 2009 - Posted by | Bible, Childhood, Children, Christ, Christian Life, Christianity, Family, God, Humor, Life, Life Lessons, Parenthood, Parenting

2 Comments »

  1. (How I learned eloquence of speech) “Don’t come in here talkin that trash to me!”

    (How I learned to not be a procrastinator) “This stuff better be done by the I get back!” (without telling us what time she would be back)

    (How I learned to just eat what I was given) “I didn’t ask you if you wanted that. Whatchu think this is? A restaurant?”

    Comment by heatherltrotter | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  2. Ahhh,yes, those were the days.Growing up in a black household…Priceless! My all time favorite was “Girrrl, you don’t believe fat meat is greasy!” This was used before every butt-whoopin’ my mother ever laid on my behind. In her estimation it took me forever to figure out that yes, indeed, fat meat is greasy!!!

    Comment by C. A. Blackmon | January 15, 2009 | Reply


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