That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

“Lock the door behind me!”

Why is it that the people who claim to advocate “Small Government” want a job in it?

I keed!

September 11, 2008 - Posted by | Government, Humor, Political Humor, Republicans, Rhetorical Questions


  1. you hafta explain this. There must be some interesting quote or situation to which you are referring.

    Oh wait, you mean that it is ironic that politicians who want small government are vying for a place in it? That’s not really making it bigger though, is it?

    AND I like small government and have no desire to run for office. Yet. You wanna see some skeletons? Just wait till they start looking in MY closets. 😉

    Yeah, I’m just saying that it is ironic that the guys (running for office) who say they want to make gov’t smaller say, “Send ME to Washington! I’ll make government smaller!” I’m suggesting, facetiously, that government is equal to the NUMBER of people working in it. Just posting a joke that I’ve told for years.

    Comment by sara | September 11, 2008 | Reply

  2. Joke? Joke! You have some nerve joking at a time like this. 😛


    Comment by sara | September 11, 2008 | Reply

  3. COW ECONOMICS (Funny)


    – You have two cows.

    – Your neighbor has none.

    – You feel guilty for being successful.

    – Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to yo ur congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow.

    – You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness.

    – Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn’t attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend.

    – You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven’t done anything to help them at all.


    – You have two cows.

    – Your neighbor has none.

    – So?


    – You have two cows.

    – The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    – You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


    – You have two cows.

    – The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    – You wait in line for hours to get it.

    – It is expensive and sour.


    – You have two cows.

    – You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


    – You have two cows.

    – The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.


    – You have two cows.

    – The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


    – You have two cows.

    – You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

    – You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

    – You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

    – You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.

    – Your stock goes up.



    You have two cows.

    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.


    – You have two cows.

    – You go on strike because you want three cows.

    – You go to lunch and drink wine.

    – Life is good.


    – You have two cows.

    – You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

    – They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

    – Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


    – You have two cows.

    – You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

    – Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


    – You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.

    – While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    – You break for lunch.

    – Life is good.


    – You have two cows.

    – You have some vodka.

    – You count them and learn you have four cows.

    – You have some more vodka.

    You count them ag ain and learn you have eight cows.

    – The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


    – You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

    – You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.

    – Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.


    – You have two cows.

    – They go into hiding.

    – They send radio tapes of their mooing.


    – You have two bulls.

    – Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


    You have two cows.

    You have 300 people milking them.

    You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.


    You have two cows… both are mad.


    – You have a cow and a bull.

    – The bull is depressed.

    – It has spent its life living a lie.

    – It goes away for two weeks.

    – It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.

    – You now have two cows.

    – One makes milk; the other doesn’t.

    – You try to sell the transgender cow.

    – Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.

    – You lose in court.

    – You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.

    – You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.

    – You change your business to beef.

    – PETA pickets your farm.

    – Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.

    – Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help ‘working cows.

    – Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm ‘for the children.

    – Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.

    – The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.

    – You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.

    – The cow starves to death.

    – The L.A.Times’ analysis shows your business failure is Bush’s fault.

    Comment by Jeff Presley | October 1, 2008 | Reply

  4. I laughed out loud!
    Thanks, Jeff.

    Comment by maxdaddy | October 1, 2008 | Reply

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