That NEW Adage

A pressure-relief valve about God, and just about everything else.

The Only Pets I Have Are PEEVES!*


We all have things that boil our blood.

 Driving puts us in an environment where, while we are living life in immediate  contact with the rest of the world, we can instantly be killed or maimed for life because of someone else’s incompetence or inattention. One person’s moment of stupidity can steal your loved ones from you forever. Maybe that is part of the reason for road rage… I doubt if stagecoach drivers got into it with folk in covered wagons to the degree that we do nowadays!

I don’t rage on the road, but here are a few things about inconsiderate drivers that elevate my “prusha”**, as they say;

 “Get off the phone!!!” Since the cell phone has become so popular, I’ve noticed that every time someone slides over into my lane as I am attempting to pass them, it is because they have a freekin’ telephone up to their ear! As though they are sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for the microwave popcorn to get done, and not in TRAFFIC where people can die! And worst of all is that the phone is on the left ear, and the left arm supporting it is blocking the entire left side of their field of vision! How you gonna drive when half the stuff you need to see is on the other side of your ARM? 

When it’s raining, turn your headlights on!

When it is dusk, turn your headlights on! (NOT just your parking lights, either!) It is not so that YOU can see! It is so that I can see YOU!

If you are pulling out of a parking lot into traffic, and you can’t get up to speed before I slam into you… please wait. If you want to wreck someone else, fine, just let me get out of the way first.

If you DO pull out and see me approaching in that thing stuck to your windshield holding your air freshener, speed up! You’ll only use about 50 cents worth of gas, but you’ll save thousands in blood pressure medication.

If  you are in the left lane, and someone wants to pass you on the freeway, or comes up swiftly, please get out of the way! I don’t care if you ARE doing the speed limit! “Slower traffic, keep right.” That’s why they don’t call it the “meandering lane.”

That being said, don’t tailgate me! You should have left sooner!

If you are approaching a semi in the slow lane, and I am in the fast lane coming fast (faster than YOU), pleeeeeze let me pass before you swerve in front of me, causing me to stomp on my brakes to keep from parking in the trunk of your humongous white Crown Victoria! That shiny thing hanging outside your door is not for killing mailboxes, it is for noticing that there are other people on the road, too.

Speaking of Crown Vics, why do you elderly drivers invariably buy those behemoths knowing they look JUST like state troopers? You guys scare the $&^* out of me!!!

If you make a left turn, PLEEEZE turn into the left lane. Don’t swinnnng all the way over to the right! The street is not your personal driveway. The same goes for right turns…

Please don’t put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat. Do I really have to say this? Please don’t pull down the sunvisor to use the mirror to put your make-up on while in the driver’s seat while you are driving your loaded and cocked man-killer!

What geenyass*** thought up the idea of putting a doggone vanity mirror, with lights and everything, on the driver’s side anyway?!? Musta gone to the Kervorkian school of auto design! Is this traffic, or Patti LaBelle’s dressing room?!?

People don’t kill people. People on phones in cars kill people.

Don’t Drive Dumb, folks. Think and Drive. Thank you.

*Or: Driving Me CRAZY!

**Blood pressure

***Exceedingly smart individuals

Advertisements

December 2, 2007 - Posted by | Cars, Driving, Pet Peeves, Traffic

5 Comments »

  1. I love it!

    I’m with you completely. I came really close to putting a “Hang up and drive” bumper sticker on mt car, which would make it my first bumper sticker ever.

    The other one that gets me is people who take off at diagonals across parking lots. They tend to get upset that they have to wait for someone who’s actually in a lane that gets in front of them.

    Comment by wickle | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  2. […] Check This Out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today. Here’s a quick excerpt: We all have things that boil our blood. Driving puts us in an environment where, while we are living life in immediate contact with the rest of the world, we can instantly be killed or maimed for life because of someone else’s … […]

    Pingback by Animal Forums » The Only Pets I Have Are PEEVES!* | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  3. *ahem* a little speedy are you? I am the one who takes her foot off the gas when you come riding up her bumper. Just be thankful I don’t accidentally hit the brake out of fear.

    Comment by sara | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  4. I drive fast — not as fast as I USED to — but I don’t tailgate. I HATE tailgating!

    But if I’m on the highway, I know, as should we all, that the fast lane is for those going faster than I. Even if I’m doing eighty, I get over if I see someone approaching me going faster.

    A little consideration is all I ask for…

    My pop DRILLED into my head the fact that my head should swivel from the windshield, to the left mirror, to the rear view mirror, to the right mirror, and over again.

    My thing is that, on the highway especially, we don’t know WHAT emergency the person in the car behind us is experiencing.

    Even if I have my cruise-control set, I speed up and get out of the way.

    Comment by maxdaddy | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  5. I hear ya. I just wish the non-emergency speedsters would realize that I’m not trying to annoy them by obeying the law – especially since I try to stick to the middle lane – and that it’s very easy to intimidate someone on the highway. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m a nervous driver, but since I’ve had kids I am not comfortable taking the risks I used to take.

    I’ve actually had a couple of scary scenarios IN THE MIDDLE LANE. It seems that 18 wheelers, which are not supposed to be in the left lane, like to use the middle lane as a fast lane and will get very VERY close with those giant headlights blinding me. I generally pull into the slow lane and start ranting about “don’t you know I have kids in the car? what if I had to stop short?” nevermind the fact that nobody can hear me except the kids. I’m working on keeping to myself. It’s easier now that we’re a one car family – I just let DH drive! 🙂

    There I go pouring cold water on your very funny rant. Sorry. I did enjoy reading it.

    Comment by sara | December 2, 2007 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: